Blog Post

CONKERS & THE JELLYMAN

Andy Mark Simpson • 21 October 2020

Folk Horror conker picking

Conkers and the Jellyman
All these autumn woodland walks I’ve been doing recently have made me think back to autumn as a child. It takes me back to trekking through the woods conker picking and hoping to avoid being shot by the infamous ‘Jellyman’. Many of our 1990s childhood games had a folk horror element

This story isn’t really about the game but for those not familiar with it, it might be good to know why conker picking was so important, why we were willing to risk a run in with ‘The Jellyman’ to get them.
Conkers is such a great part of childhood folklore in Britain. A conker (horse chestnut seed) is pierced with a hole and then threaded with string, or shoelace. Players take turns, using their conker to bash the other player’s conker like a wrecking ball with the aim of smashing it. The last conker remaining is the winner. There are all sorts of folk remedies about how to harden conkers including soaking them in vinegar, putting them in the cupboard for a year, and the ultimate cheat…covering them in nail polish

As a kid in early 90s Northumberland we had extra rules – which were always ignored. There was the ‘Nae yanksees’ rule (supposed to prevent a tug of war if the strings became tangled) and ‘Nae stampsies’. This was also ignored, meaning that if a conker was dropped on the floor a whole hoard of kids would stamp up and down on it to smash it. 

I have to admit I was never much good at the game. For me, the fun was in the adventures to go and collect the conkers.

Conker Picking
My Uncle would always take myself, my cousin and our mates conker picking. And he took it quite seriously. He once got in an argument with a vicar who claimed he was ‘destroying God’s creations’. He knew the best place to get conkers. This meant trespassing into the grounds of a nearby mansion house.
We would creep through the woods to seek out these three magical conker trees. We loved collecting our hundreds of conkers – but was always blighted with fear of The Jellyman.

Supposedly The Jellyman was an old gamekeeper of the hall. Seemingly he was solely employed to stop children poaching conkers. He had a stun-gun known as ‘The Jellygun’ which he would shoot you with, turning your legs to jelly and stopping you from running away before you were caught by the police, or maybe a rabid pack of dogs. 
I never saw him mind. My Uncle was good at spotting him- then shouting ‘Run – The Jellyman!’ and we would sprint away terrified. Every year. Learning to see through my uncle’s bullshit was a major part of my childhood.

Then came the walk home, through the woods, in the dark. We would glance over our shoulders, wondering if the Jellyman had left his territory to follow us. My Uncle always claimed the streets were more dangerous and there was nothing to be scared of walking in the woods in the dark. I think that was because actually the scariest thing in the woods - was my Uncle.

22 November 2021
Art by Shona M MacDonald
by Andy Mark Simpson 23 June 2021
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by Andy Mark Simpson 31 January 2021
January has been occasionally beautiful with some magical winter snow but has also been cold and wet and tough with more lockdown restrictions. Now however, hope is on the horizon. While we know this is not yet the end of winter, it is perhaps, the beginning of the end of winter. February the 1st is associated with the ancient celtic festival of Imbolc – a celebration of the coming of the spring. It falls roughly midway between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. It has been the basis for celebrations and folklore in the cultures that followed. The emergence of spring is celebrated in North America with their Groundhog Festivals when the cute rodents try to predict the end of winter. We’ll probably watch the hilarious Bill Murray fantasy film Groundhog Day, again, on February 2nd. In the Christian calendar the festival of Candlemas sees the blessing of candles. This links to celebrating light. Probably the biggest Christian co-opting of this date is St Brigid’s Day. St Brigid is seen as the matron saint of Ireland. In our latest podcast we talked to Melanie Lynch of Herstory Ireland who gave us a great insight into the Brigid figure. Before being co-opted as a Christian Saint, Brigid was a pan-European goddess considered to be a bringer of light, appropriate for this time of year. Her saint’s day used to be widely celebrated with girls in every village making straw crosses. Now the day is being given a renewal with Herstory organising illumination displays to promote the stories of women in history and mythology. They are campaigning to make the day equally as important as St Patrick’s Day . Take a listen to our latest podcast episode with Melanie Lynch of Herstory Ireland. Enjoy your last weeks of winter…
by Andy Mark Simpson 18 November 2020
Folklore and folk music are very influenced by the changing seasons but for me my cinema watching can also be affected by seasonal moods. There’s a danger that heads can be turned towards the tinselled delights of Christmas movies with the holiday just around the corner. However, would be skipping ahead and missing out on some great late autumn films. So what do we watch in the meantime? Here is a list of films which are great to watch on rainy autumn afternoons, with Christmas scenes but aren’t Christmas films: The Umbrellas of Cherbourg / Les Parapluie de Cherbourg (Demi 1964). Perfect for a rainy Autumn afternoon. Star-crossed teenage lovers, way ahead of its time in the social issues it tackles, stunning use of colour and an incredible haunting and beautiful score. A musical with no songs – just every single line of dialogue is sung. ‘Distant Voices, Still Lives’ (Davies 1988) Another rainy one. A non-linear magic-realist masterpiece. Memories fade in and out, displaced voices from the past come and go. A violent patriarch and the on-going effects on the family. Or you may be in the mood for something more light-hearted: When Harry Met Sally (Reiner 1989) Beautiful autumn colours culminating in an emotional Christmas and New Year finale. A very clever romantic comedy. Great for Autumn and New Year movie watching. ‘Groundhog Day’ (Ramis 1994) A Christmas film that isn’t a Christmas film so great to watch from November through to February. A great low fantasy concept. What are your favourite autumn films? Let us know.
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Autumn equinox green man figure
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Welcome to DreamSwarm! My DreamSwarm idea has been hovering in the aether for a while now but is finally emerging as a new online hub which intends to foster a community around Films, Stories and Art which are in some way ‘Supernatural’. We kind-of mean stuff like: • dark fantasy • dreams • edgelands • esotericism • fairy tales • folklore • folk horror • liminal spaces • magic-realism • metaphysics • mysticism, • psychogeography • speculative history • spiritual • shamanism • surrealism • time travel • urban fantasy We will be sharing links to images, films, artworks, stories, essays and poems that we enjoy. We will credit the creators and encourage others to follow them. This is also a great opportunity to promote the voices of artists and writers from under-represented backgrounds. We want this to be a kind and inclusive community, free from racism, sexism, homophobia and prejudice. In time, this hub will develop to include our own blog, podcast and videos as we aim to bring on fantastic guests to discuss their work. However, the hub is not intended to replace or rival the great podcasts and blogs that are already out there but instead to celebrate them and signpost supporters towards them. Take a look at our links and recommendations page to follow the brilliant podcasts, websites and accounts that we love. About me and why I set up DreamSwarm: I’m Andy Mark Simpson. I’m from Northumberland (a secret land wedged between England and Scotland) which is full of history, mythology, legends and a unique culture and dialect. My love for folklore and the mystical began as I grew up here, surrounded by the Roman wall, beaches, castles, woods and hills (and abandoned coal mines and crumbling edgelands). I am a filmmaker (and teacher). I have written and directed one theatrically released feature film and several shorts. A lot of my new work has a magic-realist style which combines social messages with the mystical and supernatural. I love discovering other filmmakers, artists and writers with similar sensibilities and I really appreciate it when I get sent recommendations and suggestions. I realised we could build a community hub to celebrate and share these ‘Supernatural’ works; DreamSwarm. The hub is in the very early stages now but we hope you will join us on our journey and that you feel part of the community. Please feel free to send us links to your work or podcasts. If you have any other suggestions, please also get in touch.
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